There’s no magic pill.

There’s no secret.

There’s no special food.

There’s no trick.

There’s no “easy way.”

As many times as I’ve tried to find other ways, I’ve discovered there is one surefire way to lose weight. It’s damn simple, but one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. It just doesn’t fit into an advertising jingle: exercise more and stop eating junk food.

Apparently, this guy was the worst baseball player of the 2000s

Wins Above Replacement, WAR, is a stat showing basically how much better a certain player is than an average, replacement-level player. Click here for a better explanation. Basically, a 0.0 WAR player is no better or no worse than the everyday player. He won’t make an All-Star team, but he’s hitting above the Mendoza Line. Note that I’m not that stat-oriented, but I’ll give it a shot.

Examples of today’s players who were about average last season (via Fangraphs… and I’m trying to use basic stats to give a more fungible idea):

Jorge Cantu, 0.0 WAR – .256 avg/11 HR/.304 OBP

Ryan Theriot, 0.0 WAR – .270/2/.321

Carlos Quentin, 0.0 WAR – .243/26/.342

Three of the best:

Josh Hamilton, 8.0 WAR – .359/32/.411

Joey Votto, 7.4 WAR – .324/37/.424

Albert Pujols, 7.3 WAR – .312/42/.414

So this made me wonder… if we can use WAR to measure the players who have been the best, why can’t we use it to figure out who has been the worst?

According to WAR, last year’s worst player with enough ABs to qualify? The Melk Man.

Melky Cabrera, -1.2 WAR – .255 avg/4 HR/42 RBI/.317 OBP

The scary part? Cabrera might open the year as a starting center fielder… granted, for the Royals, but… here… I’ll let Joe Posnanski explain.

Then (Brewers manager Ned Yost) started talking about (prospect Lorrenzo) Cain, talked about his athleticism, how he and Escobar can help the Royals offense “just with their legs alone.” Then it all took a terrible turn.

“He’s a center fielder,” Yost told Bob about Cain. “But we’ll see where it fits in. I’m not projecting anything right now. We’ve signed Melky Cabrera (to play center field), and Lorenzo Cain only has (147) big-league at-bats.”

Uh oh. Bob asked Ned Yost about Cain … and the words “Melky” and “Cabrera” were in the answer? Melky Cabrera of the 83 OPS+ and .317 on-base percentage last year? Melky Cabrera of the minus-21 on the Dewan Plus/Minus for outfield defense last year (minus-9 in center fielder where he only played 385 innings)? Melky Cabrera of the minus-1.2 WAR last year — which made him by Fangraphs ratings the worst everyday player in baseball? That Melky Cabrera?

So I decided to dig a little deeper. Below the cut are the worst players from 2000-2010.

Every day, it seems like there’s little reminders.

A couple years ago, my uncle took his life. It still feels so recent, so fresh.

Now, I don’t really know how to feel. There are so many emotions. There’s anger, that he’d so something so stupid, so foolish, so easily preventable. That certain forces got him to that point. That he couldn’t stop himself. That we didn’t stop him. That we didn’t help. That she’s still alive and he’s gone. That I can’t just call him up today. That he’s not going to be here for Christmas. That he wasn’t here for Thanksgiving. That he didn’t think of his daughter. That he didn’t think of us. That he didn’t… well… I don’t know.

Then there’s confusion. Over why it got that to that point. Over why he thought it was that bad. Over how when he solved his problem, he caused a million more. Over why it happened at all. Over what do we all do now?

There’s sadness. There’s regret. Then some more sadness, more anger, and it just starts all over again.

I guess now because it’s the holidays, I can’t stop thinking about him. It seems like there’s something, one little thing that happens every day, and I don’t know what to do. When I watch the Cowboys, I think about how he convinced me when I was a little boy that they were the team I should root for. I remember watching Troy Aikman, Emmitt Smith and Michael Irvin and those amazing mid-90s teams and thinking about him. I remember riding in his truck one time when I was older. He had the song “The Boys Are Back In Town,” playing a little too loud for me, but I didn’t care. I just enjoyed being with him. Now, whenever that song comes on my iPod, it makes me miss him, but it makes me happy. He was a really great guy. Lately, I’ve been listening to CMT in the mornings as I get ready for work. A few days, they’ll have Alcohol by Brad Paisley. My uncle battled alcoholism for most of his life and that song was played at his funeral. CMT had a top songs of the decade show recently, and Whiskey Lullaby was one of the choices. I had to turn the channel immediately.

I just don’t know how I should feel or what I should do now. I wish there was something, anything, I could do to just bring him back for five minutes. There’s never that kind of closure that they talk about in other kinds of deaths. It’s just ongoing. Some days, it frustrates the hell out of me that I can’t just call him anymore and tell him how much I love him and how much he means to me.

OK, I’m starting to get a little tired of the premise that because I live in the Bay Area, because I largely grew up in the Bay Area, that I am a fan of a Bay Area team, I should root for the Giants to win the World Series.

Sure, San Francisco fans. A valid point. Also, should the Oakland Raiders be motivated by their recent thumping of

I know which team he's not rooting for. Good enough for me.

the Denver Broncos and go on some miracle run to the Super Bowl, I’ll be asking you 49er fans why your face isn’t painted silver and black every Sunday. It’s all Bay Area, right?

Wrong.

Giants fans may not see the A’s as your rival, but A’s fans do, in a weird “Oakland is the stepchild of San Francisco” way. Rooting for the Giants, especially now, is like selling out and jumping on a bandwagon. I don’t jump on bandwagons. As BANG columnist Tony Hicks mentions in his column, yeah, A’s fans are a bit jealous. We don’t do panda hats. We don’t care for giant Coke-bottle slides or bad facial hair. And really, we’re just as sick of the torture as you are.

We’ve been watching and perhaps even taking a silent interest in your playoff run. But your bandwagon is far too crowded. Maybe we don’t want your team to fall apart. But if two or three wheels came off the wagon while barreling down championship hill, dumping a few thousand people who wouldn’t know Orlando Cepeda from Orlando, Fla., onto their freshly painted orange heads, you’d see no tears over here.

Jealous? Hell yes, we’re jealous. And hell no, we won’t wear orange and black, even if it is Halloween.

But here’s the real torture for us. You have a future. We don’t. Not as the “Oakland” A’s.

Brentwood - home of the cornfest

So, I’ve finally found employment and I couldn’t ask for a better situation. I had two very solid offers — one which would have me covering high school/community sports in Marin County and the other would have me doing roughly the same area in Brentwood, where I grew up.

I took the latter, and as time goes along, I’m happy I did. I love writing for Patch, and I really hope they are the future of journalism, because the industry could really use some hope right now. But I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to work where I was an intern while studying at Los Medanos College. Unlike Marin (where I would’ve had to either pay a lot in gas or pay a toll to get to work), I know the Brentwood/Antioch/Oakley area pretty well. Everything just feels right here.

I found a sweet studio in Antioch only a few blocks from where I once lived in middle school. I’ve got the support of family living in the area, too. I’m familiar with the high schools (Liberty, Freedom, Antioch, Deer Valley and Heritage) and I’m pretty sure a few of the coaches I’ve talked to are still there. At least, I hope so.

I’ve lived all over California and in parts of Missouri and Montana, but I’d like to say I kinda grew up in East Contra Costa County. There’s something to be said about moving back to where your “roots” are. I feel very comfortable in this area, where I don’t really need to use my GPS or look up directions to go somewhere. I’m pretty close to some of my best friends I’ve missed while living in San Diego, Stockton and on the central coast. Now, instead of having to make a weekend trip to the Bay Area, I can just head over to a friend’s place for a bit. It’s liberating. I’ve walked, taken the bus and driven all over this area. It’s like going home, but now I’m on my own. Considering I was looking at places in Richmond and Vallejo, I’m pretty happy to call a nice area of Antioch my home.

I’m really looking forward to this next step in my life, and hope it’s a successful one all around.

Motivated by a friend’s Facebook post, where she wrote about all of the baseball stadiums she’s been to — an impressive list, 18 out of 30 — I figured I’d do the same. Mine isn’t quite as lengthy, but here goes.

The Oakland Coliseum

Network Associates Coliseum/McAfee Coliseum/Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum:

“(Oakland) is this kind of town: You have to pay 50 cents to go from Oakland to San Francisco. Coming to Oakland from San Francisco is free.” – Jim Murray

I’ve been here a time or two. I remember my first game, where Matt Stairs hit the game-winning home run and became my favorite player. I’ve seen Marco Scutaro hit a game-winning home run off the infallible Mariano Rivera. I’ve seen Erubiel Durazo do the same against the fallible Jason Grimsley. I’ve seen a man start a fight with another man after he said something about his mother, all this happening three rows above me in the now-tarped third deck after medics tended to a concussed Johnny Damon. I’ve stayed there overnight for the filming of a Brad Pitt movie. I’m slightly familiar with the place.

There’s a distinctive vibe about Oakland and the Coliseum that I love. Yes, Oakland is not San Francisco. Yes, the Coliseum is not AT&T Park. But there’s a certain charm to both. Both Oakland and the Coliseum have their warts (East Oakland, Mt. Davis, etc.), but they embrace them. There’s a certain confidence to both, like even though there are flaws, they are perfect to the people who want to see it that way. Instead of an inferiority complex to The City, there’s a feeling of “Yeah, we’re not San Francisco, and we don’t want to be!”

My feelings about Oakland, as an outsider who spent most of his time in East Contra Costa County, can be pretty much summarized in the Oaklandish logo. There’s a sense of renewed ownership among the people who live in Oakland. They want to call this city home, make it their own and restore a sense of place to an area of which Gertrude Stein famously remarked, “there is no there there.”

Instead of a picturesque view of the Bay, the Coliseum offers 20 yards of foul room and a view of the Al Davis-backed monstrosity of cheap bleachers and expensive luxury boxes. It doesn’t try to upsell you on anything. It’s brutally honest, no frills, a here’s-what-you-get kind of place. I admire that.

There are some things most credible journalists just know:

...and Bert Blyleven, and Jim Kaat...

1. It’s called deadline for a reason.

2. More than, not over.

3. The press pass around your neck means you’re here working, not to be a fan.

Apparently, some credentialed media members at Sunday’s Bengals/Broncos preseason game forgot that last one.

A photographer and a Cincinnati reporter allegedly asked for the autograph of Denver’s third-string quarterback — Tim Tebow. After Tebow obliged to the request, a member of Denver’s PR staff booted the reporter and photographer. You know it’s bad when even a PR guy is taking the high road.

Now, I know Tim Tebow is a great guy who is especially beloved by the media. I’m really happy that he’s making a name for himself for good things, and not for arrests, drugs and paternity suits. Writers and photogs can be fans of the guy. Buy his jersey. Lead the Broncos to the Super Bowl with him on Madden. But when you’re on the clock, that stops. There has to be a separation of your personal life and your professional life, and to openly ask for an autograph while you’re working is pathetic. It automatically cuts your credibility down to zilch and is on par with celebrating in the press box.

Writes MJD of Yahoo!’s Shutdown Corner:

If the sports media wants to prove themselves above the fray that Le Batard describes (ed note: Le Batard is equal parts jock sniffer and columnist), the final step in this process (and kudos to Marvez for reporting it in the first place) is to name the two media members who asked for the autographs in the first place. Not to undermine or humiliate the people involved (you’d hope they each feel bad enough at this point), but to make it very clear that the standards apply to everyone. In every circumstance. And that anyone disgracing the profession under any circumstances will have to answer for it in the same public forum they use to get their words across. We know good and well that if someone from the blog universe had asked Tebow for an autograph in the locker room, his or her name would be all over the Internet right now, and his or her mistake would be used as the newest in seemingly infinite referendums on professionalism in sports media.

Which leads me to my next point… if you’re a grown man, don’t you feel a little sad and awkward asking for an autograph?

Jonah Hill as assistant GM "Peter Brand" and Brad Pitt as GM Billy Beane.

After last night, I can now say that I’ve been in a film with Brad Pitt. So I guess I can cross that one off the bucket list.

I was an unpaid extra in Moneyball, the movie based on the book written by Michael Lewis. Lewis was a fly on the wall during the 2002 Oakland A’s season, showing the inner workings of the organization and the quirks of general manager Billy Beane.

Brad Pitt has been cast as Beane, Jonah Hill as assistant GM Paul Depodesta (though now they’ve changed the name of the character, since DePodesta didn’t like the way they portrayed him) and Phillip Seymour Hoffman as field manager Art Howe.

It was really interesting to see how a movie gets made. My friend, who was at the Coliseum when they filmed Angels in the Outfield, said that they used cardboard cutouts of people, in addition to extras in the crowd. For Moneyball, they took 300-400 people and just moved us around to be in the background. They’ll use CGI stuff to make it look like there’s a full crowd.

I loved seeing how some people had really gotten into character. I wore a throwback batting practice cap and my Barry Zito shirt for the first night, last Monday. I saw others in old jerseys… Mulder, Hudson, Frank Menechino. But others wore Holliday and Bailey stuff, so I don’t think the organizers really cared about that.

Angel Stadium, home of the 2010 All-Star Game

This is a fun little exercise, especially since each team has to have at least one representative. The All-Star rosters will be announced tomorrow. They had things called “campaign managers” for players… such as Eric Chavez (.234 BA, 31/8 K/BB in 33 games as DH?) and Brandon Wood (.179 BA, .199 OBP).

Starters:

	American League	National League
C	Joe Mauer, MIN	Giovany Soto, CHC
1B	Justin Morneau, MIN	Albert Pujols, STL
2B	Robinson Cano, NYY	Martin Prado, ATL
3B	Adrian Beltre, BOS	Scott Rolen, CIN
SS	Derek Jeter, NYY	Troy Tulowitzki, COL
LF	Josh Hamilton, TEX	Matt Holliday, STL
CF	Alex Rios, CWS	Andrew McCutchen, PIT
RF	David DeJesus, KC	Andre Ethier, LA
DH	Vladimir Guerrero, TEX	Joey Votto, CIN
SP	David Price, TB	Ubaldo Jimenez, COL

Yes, I know this will likely never happen. Evan Longoria or A-Rod will probably win the vote to start at 3rd base for the American League. I went pretty much just on stats.Yes, I’m serious about David DeJesus.

Pitchers:

American League	National League
Cliff Lee, SEA	Josh Johnson, FLA
Clay Buchholz, BOS	Roy Halladay, PHI
Trevor Cahill, OAK	Adam Wainwright, STL
Jered Weaver, ANA	Mike Pelfrey, NYM
Felix Hernandez, SEA	Yovani Gallardo, MIL
CC Sabathia, NYY	Tim Lincecum, SF
Jon Lester, BOS	Dan Haren, ARI
Jose Valverde, DET	Mat Latos, SD
Ricky Romero, TOR	Tim Hudson, ATL
Andy Pettitte, NYY	Matt Capps, WAS
Joaquim Soria, KC	Heath Bell, SD
Mariano Rivera, NYY	Francisco Rodriguez, NYM
Jonathan Papelbon, BOS	Brian Wilson, SF
Rafael Soriano, TB	Jonathan Broxton, LA
	Billy Wagner, ATL

Stephen Strasburg is a very, very, very good pitcher. Would he be a bigger ratings draw? Yes. Is he an All-Star this year? No. Next year, we’ll see.

Bench:

American League	National League
Victor Martinez, BOS	Ryan Doumit, PIT
Ichiro Suzuki, SEA	Placido Polanco, PHI
Miguel Cabrera, DET	David Wright, NYM
Nick Markakis, BAL	Hunter Pence, HOU
Shin-Soo Choo, CLE	Josh Willingham, WAS
Torii Hunter, ANA	Corey Hart, MIL
Alex Rodriguez, NYY	Adrian Gonzalez, SD
Marco Scutaro, BOS	Marlon Byrd, CHC
Elvis Andrus, TEX	Hanley Ramirez, FLA
Evan Longoria, TB

AL:

BOS 6, NYY 6, TB 3, TOR 1, BAL 1

MIN 2, DET 2, CWS 1, KC 2, CLE 1

TEX 3, ANA 2, OAK 1, SEA 3

NL

ATL 3, NYM 3, PHI 2, FLA 2, WAS 2

CIN 2, STL 3, MIL 2, CHC 2, HOU 1, PIT 2

SD 3, LA 3, COL 2, SF 2, ARI 1

What do you think?

The glove used to catch former A's knuckleballer Steve Sparks

Knuckleballers are a funny sort.

They usually have designated catchers. Jason Varitek, a 3-time All-Star catcher for the Red Sox, doesn’t catch longtime Boston knuckleballer Tim Wakefield. He struggles to catch the knuckleball, so usually, Boston has the backup catcher behind the plate when Wakefield pitches. It’s probably the hardest pitch in baseball to catch. Or, to quote Bob Uecker, the easiest: “I always thought the knuckleball was the easiest pitch to catch. Wait’ll it stops rolling, then go to the backstop and pick it up.”

The knuckleball produces unpredictable movement through a lack of rotation and speed on the ball. When thrown this way, the air kind of takes over and moves it around as it pleases. Watch Wakefield throw his knuckleball in slo-mo and you won’t see very many rotations. With a curveball, the ball will tumble end-over-end like crazy.

With Varitek now No. 2 on the depth chart to Victor Martinez… things have apparently not changed.

A few years ago, Wakefield had veteran Doug Mirabelli as his personal catcher, since Varitek can’t really catch the knuckler.

As the top dog behind the dish, Varitek has rarely been forced to deal with Wakefield’s flutterer. And even when called upon, Tek could barely handle Wakefield’s dancer. In fact, he once admitted that “catching the knuckleball — it’s like trying to catch a fly with a chopstick.”

In 2006, the Red Sox traded Mirabelli to the San Diego Padres and traded for Josh Bard from the Cleveland Indians, in the same deal that also netted them outfielder Coco Crisp. The results weren’t pretty. In five Wakefield starts, Bard had a league-leading 10 passed balls. A month into the regular season, Boston traded submarine reliever Cla Meredith to the Padres to get Mirabelli back.

Many knuckleballers also have their own glove, similar to the PRO SPARKS model shown above. I remember seeing a story on MLB.com in 2003, when the A’s acquired Steve Sparks from the Detroit Tigers, about how Sparks traveled with his own glove, something bigger than a catcher’s softball mitt. Upon seeing the monstrosity, then-starting catcher Ramon Hernandez called backup Adam Melhuse over to take care of it.